I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
