You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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