What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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