Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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