i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
