I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
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Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just invented taco cereal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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