If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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