I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
