Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
