A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
