so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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