this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
