Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
