the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
