i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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