wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
