If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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