Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
