margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
