I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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