party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
