the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
