Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
