sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
