I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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