we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
