I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize