Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize