it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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