he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Found your dick twin last night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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