There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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