i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
