you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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