I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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