I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
