Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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