Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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