your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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