I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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