At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
