moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
