He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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