oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
