Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
