who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
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I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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