I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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