Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger