i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
