I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
