I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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