from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
