i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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