Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
