I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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