she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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