I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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