Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
