wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
