Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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